Why Have A Wedding At All?
March 10, 2020
Weddings are important :)
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day. The podcast has nothing to do with weddings or even romantic relationships. Either way in the conversation the host let it slip out that she and her fiance’ have been engaged for 4 years with no plans for a wedding insight. She then stated both can’t bring themselves to actually start planning the wedding and then proclaimed “ A wedding isn’t for us anyway – it’s for everyone else.”
This got me rattled… So I want to address this topic here.
For those of you who know me, I am sort of a big romantic softy. I love going to weddings – even as a guest and not always as a paid player – even if they aren’t my own family and friends. You may even see me tear up when a couple is saying their vowels. Weddings are stereotypically a “joyous” occasion for me.
One of the first things I say to my couples when I first meet them in person or on the phone is “I am very grateful to you both that you have decided to have this wedding + your family thanks you too. “
Hang with me here for a moment… I know I am a wedding photographer and I get paid to be at weddings. I am supposed to say that right?
Also, let’s just speak up right now about the reality of a wedding’s expenses. Yes, they are a racket in some cases for lack of a better word. But I promise to address some solutions to that problem very soon. I have some ideas!
If you are even talking about getting married then you are moving into the era of starting your own families. I’m not necessarily talking about children here. But to put it simply – you are going to possibly want to start hosting your own Thanksgiving dinners. This is a gradual shift that happens over a long period of time but I’m sure if you are like most people you will start to see your entire family less and less. It gets harder – people move away or we start to focus only on our immediate families etc. Not saying this stuff is bad – it’s just real life 🙂
Attending a wedding is like a little check-in for everyone involved! For example when was the last time you saw your favorite cousin from childhood? The one you used to build blanket forts with on summer nights. What is she up to these days? Or what about the last time you can recall your mother hanging out with her brother and sister laughing together – even if they may have their differences. This is the stuff that makes up a family.
What situation can you think of where these family units all come together except for weddings (and sadly funerals) or the rare occasion someone when someone in the family turns 90 or a big anniversary year comes up and they decide to throw a big party – which arguably you’ve got to turn into some kind of “formality” if you want everyone to make a point to show up? (Can everybody now say with me “Vowel Renewal”?)
Flight’s, hotels, taking time off of work – this is why it’s hard to sometimes come together. I hear about family reunions sometimes. If you are in one of those families consider yourself very lucky 🙂
I know what you are saying “But I could just have a big party!” To which my answer is yes – agreed. Have a big party! In fact, have a lot more parties – give more reasons to have your loved ones come together in the physical realm. I can guarantee you though, your favorite aunt – your dad’s sister who lives in Virginia has been waiting for a wedding invite. Even if she is an old cat lady now who doesn’t believe in marriage but who loves you to bits! Despite this, she still managed to miss your big 30th birthday bash! It was going to super fun from the looks of Evite!
So what’s missing?…
Formality perhaps? An invitation in the mail (dare I say skip the Evites), give her a reason to dress up, a reason to meet your fiance that she has heard all about, and the simple reason to come together as a family unit once more. And lastly, dare I say celebrate you and this new life you are creating for yourself.
It’s really this simple message… My little brother got married not too long ago in 2017. Towards the latter part of the evening, there was this priceless moment that happened. Priceless because I got to see my 2 favorite people of all time, my grandparents (my grandpa aged 88 and my granny aged 87 – married 66 years in 2017) romantically embracing on that dance floor. And right there with them was their 4 children with their children (the cousins – myself included in there!) and on my side my own life partner and child. I’m pretty sure this is what life is supposed to be about. I thanked my brother and his wife for that night. I really meant it! I’ve never seen my brother so happy before – so yeah I guess weddings really are for everyone else?
In light of recent events and after many phone calls with desperate brides and other wedding vendors my heart is bursting right there with you! We are all feeling this wave and we understand that weddings are going to be postponed because let’s face it – they need to be! This situation will get better and when it does thank you for giving us all a reason to come together and celebrate again 🙂
THE GOLD COLLECTIVE